why didn't you poke me back
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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