Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
