sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
