he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
