He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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