I want to walk on stilts...naked
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
