would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
