Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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