just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
