i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
