He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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