you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
