8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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