he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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