Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
