um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
