Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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