Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
