It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
