He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
