??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
