Already got asked if we're dating
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
