after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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