jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
