I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
