I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
