All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
