I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
