I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
