well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
