When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
