her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
