OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
