i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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