speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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