All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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