Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
