i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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