Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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