She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize