He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
