Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
