WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
