I wish they made helmets for livers.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
