we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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