Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
