Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We had to coat check the pizza.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
