i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
