saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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