I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
