You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
