No stitches, just platelets and will power
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
