I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
