she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
