If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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