I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
