But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
