a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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