TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
