...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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