so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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