1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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