cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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