Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
