I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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