It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
