and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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