Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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