the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Randomize
