she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
In other news, I just burned my penis
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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