i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
