so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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