Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize