I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so that wasnt chicken after all
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
