I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
