You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
