Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
