if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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