worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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