Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
